I've grown tired. #AltonSterling
I'm tired. And, I'm frustrated. With the world and myself because for the first time, I feel that feeling, not sadness or empathy. But anger. Deep anger. The anger that I never realized was there. But now I'm tired. And I feel it in every nerve of my body. I'm tired of watching the videos of the people who are trained to stay calm, overreact, simply because the suspect is black. I'm tired of watching them manipulate the scene and spew lies of guns and resistance when it's clear that their hands are up.
And there goes the frustration again. Frustrated with myself because I'm usually the one thinking, "don't overreact." Don't give them what they want. The war. The war they're invoking. But tonight is unusual. The animal in me, the one us humans like to deny, has been awakened. And I want blood. I want to prove that this war will not be won like the one before. We will not lay down. And then reality hits, this anger that I feel. That we feel. Will not bring about progress. It would be like a disastrous tornado. Destroying everything in its path. The deserving and the undeserving. And that's wrong. Because it makes us just like them. The heartless. The cowards. The insecure beings that bolster false pride through a uniform and sleep well at night knowing they took a life based on the color of the skin.
I'm tired. But a few days from now. I'll forget. We'll forget. He'll be just another name, criminal record, and hashtag in our social media memory. Living in a society where a black man selling CDs is more of a threat than a white man having 20 minutes of pleasure with his rape victim. I am tired.